like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
