You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
