apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
