Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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