Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
