Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
