As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
