Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
