i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
