I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
