I'm really into asian looking animals
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
