Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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