Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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