i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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