I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
