omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
