I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
