batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
