Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i out mim tonsoeep
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