I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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