I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
birth control should be required to get into college
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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