32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
