Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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