guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
