so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
