I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize