How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We are two peas in an std pod
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
