I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I could fuck to npr.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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