i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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