I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
