We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
