I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
