Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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