Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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