Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
