you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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