Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
