Your tits are I can't wait for
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
