What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
