See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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