Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
