Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
