Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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