your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
