I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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