Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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