the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
