i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
