i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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