I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
