WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
