Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
