I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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