Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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