I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
