You smell like stripper and shame
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
