He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
