Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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