The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
