I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize