I showed him my bush... on skype.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize