He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize