I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Barsexuality is the new black.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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