my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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