some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We have started to decorate penises.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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